The last several days have been hard. Although I've lived in the Dominican for nearly three months now, and learned to accept the traffic, stray dogs, guns, and trash, there are many things I still struggling with.
If I had to pick one thing I miss most about the States (besides Daniel) it would be the fellowship. Oh how I long for friends!! I've met a lot of wonderful people here but the language barrier stands in the way because I can't really connect with them. And unfortunatly, my relationship with Jackie is thwarted by some personal struggles that she's trying to overcome. Although I spend five days a week at her house and am lucky to see her for more than a total of 20 minutes.
I attempt to ignore my loneliness by chatting online, sending emails, and surfing the web, but this week the longings surpassed my laptop. There are a lot of questions that linger in my heart concerning God's will for my life. Questions like: Does He Still Want Me Here? What Am I Missing? What Am I Supposed To Be Doing? Can I Survive Two Years Like This? Should I Go Home? Could I Go Home? Although not all of my questions have been answered, I do know this; God DOES want me here for one year. For a variety of reasons I'm uncertain about anything longer than that, and that's ok. Because I know that when the time comes to make a decision about whether or not to stay an additional year, the decision will already be made for me. And so, for the next nine months, I am 100% committed to the Dominican Republic.
My quiet time this morning was fabulous. While I was journaling this was laid upon my heart, "Jesus, my time here has been, and continues to be, hard and lonely at times. But my heart knows there's a reason for my struggles - my mind just doesn't know what it is yet. But Lord, you don't call people's minds to follow you, you call their hearts. And Jesus, although I don't understand so many things right now, my heart does understand your love." And that love is more than I could ever express in words: That love is what saved my life; That love is what brought me here; And that love is what will keep me here, however long that may be.
"A righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear."
Psalm 112:7-8
3 comments:
I know this may not help you...but being older and having traveled a lot on my own when I was your age...well, with all the homesickness and even depression at times, this is one of the times you will look back on and remember with such gratitude. This time (God's time) is shaping you in ways you cannot imagine. Look at it as a path and not a hill. Okay, it may be full of rocks right now and you may be getting some
blisters and callouses.
Sorry, something weird happened with the comment box. You just keep networking yourself. And be safe and aware. Love you lots!
The safest place to be is in the center of God's will. Take it from someone that suffered with illness for the first two years of living in Uganda. It is all about Jesus...
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