Baked With Love

I will admit it....I am a procrastinator.

At least with some things.

Recently, I have been procrastinating making brownies.

Sounds weird, yes, but the brownies were an outreach idea that was launched last week when the team was here. We decided I needed to connect with my neighbors, and what better way to do that then to give a present? This is when brownies entered the picture...

The team bought all the supplies and allowed me to do the rest.

This week I've been busy teaching Jackie's kids and preparing lesson plans, so baking three batches of brownies wasn't a priority. However, I did make attempts to work on the project. On Tuesday, I walked to a store and bought cake pans. I spent all afternoon on Wednesday baking and wraping the brownies. With each packaged, I included a note (in Spanish) that said: Hi! My name is Tasha. I am a missionary from the United States. I am new to this country and speak a little Spanish. But I want to learn more Spanish, find a church that is nearby, and meet the people who live close to me. I live in apartment E-1. I hope to meet you soon! God Bless you!"

Thursday afternoon arrived and I knew it was time to deliver the baked goods. I couldn't put off the task much longer if wanted the sweets to still be fresh. Not to mention that I didn't want to compete with Halloween because of culture reasons.

At 2pm I got came home from Jackie's and attempted to make lunch. However, within 10 minutes of being home, the power cut off. This is not uncommon; electricity outrages are the norm here, but usually my generator kicks on and still runs the lights and fans. But not even these basics were functioning. By three o'clock the temperature in my apartment was a stifling 85 degrees. It started raining and I justified waiting on the brownie delivery because it would be easier to do it when the rain stopped...and I wanted a nap.

Two hours later the electricity STILL had not come on and I found it impossible to sleep with sweat rolling down my forehead. Just after five, the rain ceased and I felt it was time. I said a quick prayer, asking for favor and courage to meet my neighbors. I was nervous because of my limited Spanish skills.

And so, just before 5:30, I stepped across the cultural threshold of my apartment and literally ran into Jose, the maintence guy. Without requesting any help, he took it upon himself to lead me door-to-door with the brownies in tow. He showed me which apartments are occupied and which ones are empty (something I never thought about). He allowed me to talk in broken Spanish but filled in the gaps when necessary. Those that were home were incredibly receptive to the gifts and although I couldn't understand everything they said, their smiles and hugs conveyed enough.

I also left several packages on the doorsteps of occupied apartments where no one was home. And last night, three families stopped by to say thank you! It was incredible!

A guy who lives next door (who speaks great English!), welcomed me into his home and introduced me to his wife and their two children. A family of three, who lives upstairs, stopped by to shake hands and say that if I need anything, just ask! And finally, the woman across the hall came over and gave me her phone number and directions to a local church. It was SUCH a God thing!!

Please pray that relationships with these people and their families would continue to be built. I want to know their names, their childen, and to be accepted into their families.

God is here, and He's opening doors!

Exhausted!

Today has been utterly amazing. I'm so tired part of me doesn't want to type this blog, but I know it's incredibly important so I’m going to find the energy.

For those who have been following my journey, we have reached an incredibly wonderful place - the point of WORK!! THANK YOU JESUS!!

After two days of sulking and feeling alone, God answered our prayers and brought me a day so full of activity that the only thing I long for is my bed. :-) Before I jump to the good parts though, let's back up a bit….

Jackie and Hernando were supposed to come over last night to have dinner and enjoy each other's company. By three o'clock, I hadn't heard from them and was beginning to worry that I was going to be stood up. I tried calling but didn’t have much luck. Hernando's phone went straight to a recorded message in Spanish and Jackie's phone was answered by someone who claimed they didn't know who she was!!

By five, I had given up that they were coming and was frustrated and disappointed. I thought, "You mean to tell me NOTHING has changed?! Still?!"

Two hours later, Jackie called and vehemently apologized for not doing so sooner. She hadn't been feeling well all day and a nurse suggested she spend the afternoon resting and sleeping. Hernando's phone had been turned off so it wouldn't wake her and her phone was being fixed (explaining the recorded message and the strange man). She said sorry over and over, asking if everything was alright and repeatedly saying how much she loves me, how proud she is of me, and how much she needs me. She continued by saying that after the team and I left on Friday, she prayed and God told her that all the communication problems are things the devil has put in our way to slow us down and to stop what God wants to do.

Jackie said that she felt convicted that it wasn't something wrong with her or with me, and that more than ever before, we need to become a team. She stated that she wants to spend one day a week talking, praying, and really building a relationship. I can't tell you how excited all of this makes me!! It was like all my prayers were being answered at once!

And today! WOW! Hernando picked me up at 7:45 and the minute I stepped in the door at Jackie's I began teaching. I had VERY little planned but ended up giving 5 HOURS of lessons!! God is good! Before I left this morning, I prayed, asking for patience and wisdom. I was a bit nervous because I have NO teaching experience and the only materials I had were some flashcards I made while passing time at Beth's.

Upon my arrival, I was given a whole arsenal of supplies that Jackie gathered last night. Whole slew of materials awaited me including crayons, books, more flashcards, pencils, and notebook paper! And God used everything during my five hour session with the kids! We practiced colors, parts of the body, numbers, the English alphabet, spelling, matching, and math. Although trying and sometimes overwhelming (being the only teacher amongst 30 kids is EXHAUSTING) it was a wonderful day!

I was dropped off just before two and have spent the last several hours making lesson plans for tomorrow!

And now, at 8:15, I'm ready for bed! :-)

My Life Song

"I Am"

If you ask me to leap

Out of my boat on the crashing waves

If You ask me to go

Preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone

Cause I know I'm nothing on my own

But the power of Christ in me makes me strong

Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak,

You make me strong

When I'm blind,

You shine Your light on me

Cause I'll never get by

living on my own ability

How refreshing to know You don't need me

How amazing to find that you want me

So I'll stand on Your truth,

and I'll fight with Your strength

Until You bring the victory,

by the power of Christ in me.

If You ask me to run

And carry Your light into foreign land

If You ask me to fight

Deliver Your people from Satan's hand

To reach out with Your hands

I'll go but I cannot go alone

Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

To learn through Your eyes

To love with the love of a savior

To feel with Your heart

And to think with Your mind

I'd give my last breath for Your glory.

--Casting Crowns--

A Servant of the Most High God

"The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
He thwarts the purposes of his peoples.
But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever."

Psalm 33:10-11

I came across this verse just a few hours ago, when I was really struggling to remain positive. A few people from the church spent the previous four days here, trying to iron out a work schedule for me and attempting to figure out what we should do next. Some possibilities discussed were sending me a local university to take classes and meet students, volunteering at a nearby daycare, starting some community outreach projects, teaming up with some other organization that's already in the area, and even bring me home.

I'm sure their trip wasn't everything they expected...in fact, it wasn't what I expected either. We had a car and driver at our disposal, and yet, we STILL struggled to do something productive! Emotions and stress were running high for everyone. We tried many times and ways to get a hold of Jackie but weren't having much luck until last night, when thanks to Beth, we were able to meet with Jackie and sort out some of the miscommunication problems she and I have been having.

The new plan is that on most days, Hernando will pick me up by 8:15 in the morning and drop me back off in the early afternoon. While at Jackie's, I will teach English to the kids and some days, I will go with them to the communities to deliver food, medicine, and other supplies. On the days that Hernando can't come get me, I may be able to take a taxi (although that could get expensive) or I may be able to volunteer at the daycare mentioned earlier.

It sounds like a great plan, and I left Jackie's with hope that things will start to improve. However, this morning, after taking Jess and Leigh to the airport, I came home with a huge sense of emptiness. The house seemed extra quiet, and everywhere I looked, there were reminders of where they had been...and where I was forced to stay. I felt utterly alone.

After a little while of self-loathing and some tears, I realized something...

This whole time I've been praying for strength, provisions, favor, courage, work, comfort, and peace. And while all these things are very important and definitely needed, I wasn't asking for them because they would further God's kingdom or impact the Dominican people, I was praying them for me. I wanted to feel better and productive.

Although the Bible promises that what we ask for in Jesus's name will be given to us, I have failed in a major way. For the past six weeks, I have been selfish, even if I didn't acknowledge or realize it. I'm ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I feel like God owes me something for coming here. I know it's completely absurd and ridiculous, but it's easy for my sinful nature to take over and say, "Look at everything you've left behind: your family, your friends, your boyfriend...there's so much else you could be doing! And yet you're here and not doing a blasted thing! This isn't what you signed up for! You deserve better!"

And yet, this is EXACTLY what I signed up for!! I have prayed for YEARS to be a missionary and God has heard my cries! He delivered the exact thing I desired for so long. And on top of that, when I became a Christian four years ago, I gave God permission (not that He needed it) to rule my life. I said where you go, I will go - whatever you ask, I will do. And He has asked me to come here. So everything that the Dominican Republic includes is part of the deal. Good or bad. Happy or sad. It's all part of the same package.

But God is sovern. He is the creator of the EVERYTHING and yet, he has shed mercy on me. If he had been any other king I would have undoubtedly been killed or jailed long ago for my disobedience and greed. And yet the BIGGEST and most POWERFUL King of ALL has said that he will overlook all my mistakes and still accept me as his servant. So often I forget that small fact. I'm HIS servant. Not the other way around.

And so, after realizing how selfish and spoiled I've been , I've asked for forgiveness and have made a promise that I will stop trying to implement MY plans and what I think is best, but instead, I will truly submit to the will of Christ. What ever that might be.

I ask that you join me in prayer. Pray that I will be obedient, submissive, sensitive to His spirit, and courageous in taking the steps that great faith requires.

May the God of the Universe and the King of all Kings be glorified in the way that His heart desires.

A Small Token

Sometimes God gives us a small token of love to remind us that we are not alone. I experienced such a gift today.

For the past couple of weeks my boyfriend, Daniel, and I have been using an internet service called Skype to talk. We both have web cams and can "see" one another in addition to hearing each other's voices. It has been an AMAZING blessing! We can talk as long as we want, absolutely free, and I get to SEE him!!

Well tonight God gave me an extra special gift. Before moving to the Dominican Republic nearly 6 weeks ago, I attend three church services a week: Christ United Methodist's contemporary service on Sunday mornings, and two campus ministries called Refuge and Experience the Life (ETL) on Thursday and Sunday nights respectively. Since moving here however, I have yet to step inside of a sanctuary. I've tried to compensate for the lack of fellowship by spending daily time in the Bible and in prayer, but I can still sense that my spirit desires more.

Thankfully, through the amazing blessing of technology, I recently discovered that I can download my church's sermons and listen to them here!! It takes awhile to download the message, but it's worth it! Today, for the first time in weeks, I had "church!" I chose a few songs from my I-pod and listened to a sermon that was delivered weeks ago at CUMC. It was great.

And if that weren't enough, I was able to "attend" ETL!! Unsure if Skype would work or not on campus, Daniel took his laptop and webcam to ETL and I got to see many of the people that I so desperately miss! It was amazing!! During worship the Holy Spirit overwhelmed me as I realized that the praise my friends were singing on a campus in South Carolina was reaching the heavens and the nations!! Their voices were being broadcast all the way across an ocean and into a tiny apartment in Santo Domingo!! WHAT A THOUGHT!! I couldn't help but cry sweet tears of joy and thanksgiving.

God is sooo good!!

And so I leave you with this thought: wherever you are, sing songs of praise...and sing them loudly! Because your voice may be traveling farther than you could ever imagine. :-)

Broadcasting Live...

FROM MY OWN HOUSE!!

That's right, the time has finally arrived and I'm in the apartment!!

I'm dead tired because I spent ALL day cleaning, organizing, and unpacking, but as I look around, it feels good to know that everything's where it should be. I know many of you have been praying for me over the past month and a half, and I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you - Not only because I'm all settled into the missionary house, but because my heart, spirit, and health are all in a good place.

I'm still trying to establish a working schedule but it is incredibly hard when Satan is doing everything possible to sabotage God's work. Jackie still doesn't have a functional vehicle and we've been unable to work in the communities for nearly a month. However, God is still moving mightily in her home because the conjunctivitis is nearly gone and last week, seven new kids were brought to her!! They range in age from 2 months - 10 years old. Although Jackie says they're adjusting well, all of them came with severe health problems including autism, hyperactivity, bronchitis, malnutrition, and one little boy is blind in one eye.

Please pray for these babies and the mothers that gave them away. All the women are prostitutes. God's presence is needed so desperately here! But I know that nothing is impossible and that He longs to move mightily in this place. To Him be the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

pictures of the apartment:

A Full Circle

My Coastal email has not been working for some time. I finally got it fixed today and was in the process of deleting a MASSIVE amount of junk mail (281 messages to be exact) when an email titled "from Uganda" caught my attention.

I decided to spare it from the trash bin and opened it to find an INCREDIBLE blessing! Last summer, while in Uganda, I fell in love with a baby girl named Olga. She stole my heart and I cried bittersweet tears the day I had to say goodbye. She was the subject of an article I wrote for Tempo Magazine and her face adorned the walls of my old bedroom and my mom's office. Over the past year I have contiuned to pray for her and although it's been many months since I've seen her, the longing to hold one more time has never left my heart.

Although simply titled and quickly written, the "from Uganda" email instantly created a spring of tears - it was from Olga's adoptive parents!! They had stumbled onto the website I designed (ww2.coastal.edu/tmsuther) as my senior thesis which detailed my trip to Uganda and sent me a letter to say that Olga, now Elianah, is being adopted!! As a matter of fact, TODAY is her court date!! God is SO good!

Won't you join me in thanksgiving? God has protected this baby girl and through a crazy string of coincidence, has joined me to her life again. Please pray for her new family, the McCourtney's, as they attempt to finalize the adoption and bring home Elianah for good! Also, pray that the transition would be easy on both Elianah, her five new siblings, and her loving parents! May the glory rest at the throne of Christ!

Olga and Me last summer at Amani

And yes, I'm aware that this doesn't directly pertain to the Dominican Republic, but global missions, and the growing number of orphans that despretely need love, is essentially the reason I am here. So Olga's story, and the millions who long to be adopted, are so deeply bound in my heart that I can't separate the two.

Taken Home

I received an email this morning from Jackie that said the following, "I AM SORRY TO COMUNICATE THIS, BUT THE BABY THAT WE WERE HELPING , THE ONE WITH THE BRAIN OUT, JUST DIED. I CRY SO MUCH, BUT IT IS NOT ME WHO DECIDES WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES, SO I JUST ASK THE LORD TO:

#1 GIVE THE MOTHER STRENGTH TO COUP WITH THIS PAIN
#2 ALSO FOR US TO HAVE STRENGTH BECAUSE WE REALLY GOT ATTACHED TO THE BABY. I WAS PRAYING FOR THE LORD TO SAVE HER, WE EVEN WERE TRYING TO FIND SOME PLACE THAT COULD WORK WITH HER , BUT GOD DECIDED TO TAKE HER HOME WITH HIM.

SO I BETTER RESPECT THE LORD, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS. SORRY TO GIVE YOU THIS TERRIBLE BAD NEWS."

So I pray for you little Ana Maria, that your journey to Heaven would be beautiful and that you would get to kiss the hands that created you. I pray for you mommy and your big brother and that they would grow closer to Jesus as they think about your life and miss you. As much as our hearts hurt knowing that you're no longer here, I pray that we would all thank God for healing you in His own mighty way. We love you Ana Maria.

WARNING!

The following post contains very graphic pictures.

I just received an email from Jackie asking all of us to pray. A few weeks ago she told me the story of a precious baby girl named Ana Maria who despretely needs medical treatment. Ana was born about six weeks ago to a beautiful, young, Christian woman.

The mother already has a three-year-old boy and was anxiously anticipating the arrival of her baby girl. Sadly, what should have been a joyous occasion was quickly filled with horror when precious Ana Maria finally made her entrance to the world.

You see, while still in the womb, the baby's skull failed to properly form and now, her little brain is literally resting outside of her face, on top of her forehead.

Google has revealed that Ana's condition is called an Encephalocele and is caused by pressure inside the skull reaching such a high level that the cranial tissue is forced out and then the protective layer of the brain grows over the protrusion. Doctors do not know what causes an encephalocele but it is extremely important to say that it is not related to anything her mother did or did not do during her pregancy. "In the U.S., encephaloceles occur in approximetely 1-4 per 10,000 live births" (Children's Hospital of Wisconsin). And although the condition could have been revealed in an ultrasound, Ana's mother couldn't afford one and nothing could have been done to reverse the condition while she was still in the womb.

Jackie is determined to help this mother in any way possible so she brings diapers, food, gauze, and the special ointment needed for Ana's head.

However, I beleive that we serve a HUGE God. A God that is bigger than finances, bigger than fears, and most certainly bigger than health issues. And so I'm not asking for money - I'm asking for prayers. I truly believe that Ana Maria's life can be saved if we lift her up and ask God to help us.

PLEASE PRAY!!

1) That the mother and family members of this little girl would be encouraged, strengthened, and blessed

2) For a team of doctors and surgeons to come and help save this baby's life

3) For the Lord to rain down blessings of protection, strength, and courage on this precious child.

I know that God has the capability to save Ana Maria's life without medical treatment, but I also know that He has the ability to move people's hearts into action!! So let's get to it!

Thank you and to God be the glory.

Tasha

Broken Cars, Infected Eyes, and a Joyous Spirit

I received an email from a very good friend of mine today informing me that he's been reading (and enjoying) my blog, but that he's still not sure what exactly I'm doing here. So incase you're wondering the same thing, please allow me explain:

Before moving to the Dominican Republic, I thought that I would spend most of my time in the "field," aka three communities where Jackie and Hernando help. When they go to these villages they bring water, clothes, shoes, medicine, the gospel, and anything that would be considered a bare necessity. In short, my role was to assist them in any way possible.


And on the days we weren't in one of the communities, I planned on teaching English classes to Jackie's kids.

Sounds simple enough, right?

Well I've been here just shy of one month and in the past four weeks, I've spent two days at the garbage dump and four days at Jackie's. Yes, that's it. But please hear me when I say that it hasn't been by choice!

You see, Jackie and Hernando have three vehicles. And all three are broken. Jackie's House is way on the other side of town - about the distance from Myrtle Beach to Aynor or North Branch to Davison - so I can't walk there. And taking public transportation isn't an option because 1) it would be very expensive and 2) I don't speak Spanish yet, nor do I have a phone, so if the driver should get lost we'd be in big trouble.

And Jackie has been dealing with her own set or problems like trying to get her nephew enrolled in school and trying to figure out what's wrong with the cars. It seemed like things were getting better until Monday when I was notified that several of Jackie's kids had woken up with a severe case of conjunctivitis and that the doctor recommended no one enter or leave the house for at least two weeks.


Are you getting a better picture on why things have been so difficult? :-)

And so, lately I've been spending my afternoons preparing for my future English classes, completing tasks Beth can't seem to find the time to do, getting my apartment situation figured out, and most importantly, spending some much needed time with God. I've renewed my habit of having a daily quiet time and it's been wonderful. I've been reminded how utterly important it is to seek Him first everyday. The hour or so we spend together in the mornings blesses me with the patience, hope, wisdom, and peace that gets me through the unexpected events each day brings.

So my time is not being wasted.

However, today did contain a much needed chance to get out of the house. I'll save you the details and simply say that apartment progress is coming along nicely and if all goes well tomorrow, I may have the keys in hand by Wednesday! Praise the Lord!!

Who knows, maybe the next post will come from my new home!! adf

The Ride of a Lifetime

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4

So after that first incredible, terrifying decent, any decent roller coaster offers another hill that seems to stretch to the skies. The momentum from the first fall is so great that the second mountain is reached in a fraction of a second.

That is how I feel.

After yesterday, and the incredible sense of solitude and hopelessness I experienced, God has answered both your prayers and mine and has sent His comfort. Today has been amazing. I feel like I've walked with angels and that my heart has been resurrected. Although I would like to consider myself a writer, there are no words to describe the breath I have been given. In less than 24 hours I have catapulted from the lowest point of this adventure so far to possibly the highest.

Upon the suggestion from a very close friend, I spent today praying and really seeking Christ. And it has been a wonderful day! It's always a beautiful thing to experience a Jesus-encounter, but after such a hard week, I would have been willing to accept just about any sort of spiritual nourishment.

I haven't been to church since I left and I've been depending on my I-pod and personal quiet times to connect me to God. After three weeks, I realize why the Bible places such emphasizes on fellowship. It's exhausting trying to live and serve the kingdom on your own!

I've always thought that a person's faith was dependent on only oneself and Christ. The church, Bible studies, and other types of accountability were meant to encourage and guide, but it was truly up to the sincerity of the individual. But day after day I was still in a rut. It didn't seem to matter how much I prayed, read, or cried, God was no closer.

But this morning, that changed. For the first time in weeks I felt a TRUE connection to the God who created me. It was AMAZING. As I prayed, I felt that if I reached out I would be able to feel the train of His robe and if I spoke, I would be able to hear His voice. It was like I had received permission to enter the innermost chambers of Heaven and God was there, just waiting for me. He whispered to my heart and the peace and joy that came in those early morning hours was the pentacle of pure beauty. And Although I know He felt close enough to physically grasp, I was too awestruck to move.

This is where I feel like I should write a thank you. I know that many of you were praying for me yesterday and I received lots of emails and scripture references. And I do not take those for granted. But there is nothing I can say that will express my gratitude to my King. The one who has brought me comfort, joy, gladness, peace, and assurance.

I came to the Dominican Republic to serve Him. And if I happen to impact a life along the way, or establish a few relationships, than all the better. But I can now say that Christ Jesus dwells in this place. And He's showing me just how beautiful that is.

How do you say, "this isn't how it's supposed to be" in Spanish?

As I type this I'm simultaneously wiping tears from my cheeks. However, I have allowed one or two to slip by, and they're now soaking the collar of my t-shirt, making the dark blue appear even darker in places.

My stomach is a pit of knots, each one offering no condolences for the plethora of emotions I'm dealing with.

I debating on whether or not I should even post this because it seems out of character (speaking of the girl I was three weeks ago, not the the one I fear I have become). And a part of me shudders at throwing my words into cyberspace, warts and all.

But another part of me knows it must be done. That those of who are praying for me need to realize the battle you're a part of, and those who aren't praying, well maybe you will. But please know that blog is not a way for me to gain your sympathy or sorrows, who knows, maybe it's not for you at all.

I came here to work. For God, for the Dominican people, for the church, and yes, even for me. Those who are accustomed to serving know all two well how easily the vapor of "feeling good" can attach itself to you. It's similar to what I imagine a drug addict must feel as he snorts a line of cocaine. We all have fixes that must be administered to. Depending on the drug of choice, we receive titles such as crack head, alcoholic, or humanitarian.

Please hear me when I say this, I came here on more than a high. As I kissed Daniel farewell at the airport I knew this decision, this mission, and everything it would contain came from a source much deeper than my personal desires or needs. Was I excited? Yes. Nervous? Very. Humbled? Not yet. But now, three weeks after departing the United States, I'm beginning to wonder if the roller coaster will ever come to a stop? The top of the hills are wonderful, it seems like you can see the whole word from where you're perched, but the ride down is terrifying. What happens if you never stop? If instead of coasting up the next hill, and the one ofter that, the car you're ridding in gains too much momentum and you slam into the ground, instantly obliterating yourself and anyone who happens to be riding alongside you. You would never feel the pain of the crash because it would be over too quickly, but the terror of those final few seconds would be enough.

I know that's overly melodramatic but I'm leaving it. No use deleting a perfectly good metaphor.